My second peer review for this week is on Sarah Moskowitz's video essay about limiting screen time for young children.
Her video essay, "A Standing Ovation for Those Limiting Screen Time for Toddlers" can be found here.
For Sarah's project I decided to make a copy-editing suggestion based on the sources that Sarah uses in her project.
Sarah had a lot of information in her video essay, but I felt like not all of it related completely to the topic. I suggested that she take out some of the information and citations that didn't directly relate to her argument. There were also some places where I felt that she needed some citations to add credibility that she didn't have. I suggested she add some in those places. I think that with more strategic citations Sarah's argument would be much stronger.
We talked a lot in class about how citations and references make a project much stronger. People are less likely to refute your opinion if you have facts and citations to back yourself up. I suggested to Sarah that she really use these to back up her argument because that would make it easier to convince the audience.
One thing I liked about Sarah's project is that she sounded very natural during the video essay. It didn't sound like she was reading a script, it sounded like she was very knowledgable about the project and like she was speaking rather than reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment